How To Stop Taking Things Personally

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It has taken me longer to get my blogs up because I have been trying to balance this school term, my business, and my ideas collectively.  That’s part of the reason this blog even came to life because I have victimized myself in creative comparison and been holding myself back instead of taking the bull by the horns and giving my writing everything I got.

Growing up as an only child I spent a lot of time alone and never really truly had to share anything with anyone.  So you can imagine how I easily got picked on for having nice things as a kid, but those nice things were at the expense of my mom’s countless sacrifices.  I now see a lot of my mom in me and I take care of my sons on my single salary and their dad pitches in with them based on their needs.  I never ask him for anything.

Now this is not a blog about all of the nice things.  Instead, I’m sharing with you how I had to develop thick skin and work hard for my successes.  People can be cruel and intentionally set out to hurt your feelings, all the while not knowing that God is increasing your territory.

There are a few words to describe distasteful behaviors of others and that is “hate” and “jealousy”.  See I was the little black girl growing up with good grades, a mother that worked all of the time, but we were living just above the poverty line.  We received food stamps and Lord knows I miss the days of those coupon booklets because now that I have a career, I make too much money to receive any kind of assistance.  That’s that hurt, hurt…LOL!

I never really paid attention to the jobs my mother held other than knowing that I did not want to have to work as hard.  She at some point in her many jobs was a restaurant worker, nursing home kitchen cook and server, custodial services at a trailer plant, plywood maker, law enforcement, until ultimately getting hurt and now receiving disability.  Now in the face of poverty I did not have it all, but I never misrepresented my mom when I left home.  I always made sure to represent her to the fullest.img_7874

I had to have thick skin because there was no way I was going to let anyone around me know that in actuality my mom and I were struggling.  I did a post on my IG (@latilyarashon) the other day reflecting on the homes we have lived in and boy did that bring back so many memories.  I don’t think many of my more affluent friends know what it’s like to light your gas stove using matches and trying to remember if you turned the eyes off so that there would be no gas leaks.  Or perhaps listening to your mom and her boyfriend tell you the story of snatching a wood rat out of one of the kitchen counter draws that was terrorizing the counter tops.  The look on their faces as they told me horrified me.

I didn’t have the best of everything but my mom made the best of what we had.  There was nothing like sleeping on the floor in the dining room in front of the heater.  Those were the days and some of my best memories ever.  Now as an adult not much really gets to me because so many people don’t know my story.  As I was tweeting earlier this morning I said, “So many of us know what it’s like to be broken and hurt but not enough of us are talking about it.”  If we all could take some of our energy and focus on the positive outcomes we would see a lot of healing.

I’ve decided on the eve of my 37th birthday to remove the tape that holds my wounds together and move less fragile.  I will share more of my story because no one can tell me how I should feel about how I live.  When you know who you are there is nothing anyone can say to you about what you do.

I was scared of criticism because I know what it’s like to be told that you are too much or not good enough.  People think it’s mean to not care about the opinions of others, but that’s exactly what you have to do to keep your mental focus.

Walking away from people and things that serve you no purpose you is how you grow into your destiny.  Don’t let the “hates” get to you.  Yes it’s hurtful when your character is attacked and you’re misunderstood.  But I have to love me more than anyone and know that everybody will not encourage my dreams.  If we continuously walk around needing and wanting acceptance from others we will always take things personally.

We all have a race to run in life and how we run that race determines our personal victories.  I’m just the messenger.  So, stop caring what others think of you as you create your vision.  No two people want the identical things.

Don’t take it personal…Take the bitter with the sweet.

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I Define Who I Am

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WRITER:  I am who I am!  I am unapologetically crafty with words.  It is the very essence of my being the way I move words across the screen effortlessly.  I am in awe of others that do the same whether it is to freely express their feelings into written form just to share or even as those write with the ultimate purpose to make money.  Writer is only one title that defines who I am.  I am defined by my talent because I push it into the atmosphere.  As I constantly define my life and redefine who I am, I am not deterred by setbacks.  To no end I am pleased with the steps I have taken to set myself up to share my thoughts and inspiration for those to grab hold of.  As I keep prioritizing my goals and dreams, I urge anyone to obtain a copy of Brown Sugar Magic as a guide to help you in the right direction.

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Now this is not a just a plug about my last book even as I continue to work on my writing and do some educational consults and writing.  This blog is about the titles that define me.  Unless you walk a day in my shoes you have no idea how much of a blessing my life really truly has been.  I do not dwell of what I cannot change.  I have changed myself from within and I am HEALED from my PAST because it does not DEFINE me!

DAUGHTER:  My mom worked too hard for me not to be GREAT!  Growing up as a “latch-key” kid and becoming independent at a very young age has carried well over into adulthood.  The amount of love and respect I have for my mom spills over into how I love and nurture my children.  As a daughter I have become my moms confidant and I continue to learn so much from her about resiliency and not allowing your troubles to last.  I’m the daughter that my biological father misses out on because I have exceeded expectations thrown on me by society as a “Fatherless Daughter”.  Everyday has not been a walk in the park.  As with anyone if you lose a companion, friend, or spouse you have moments of doubt and utter confusion.  I am the daughter of King who knows that is has been nothing but the grace of God that has walked with me through troubled waters.  Be careful about who you judge!  I have favor over my life, I know where my help comes from.

MOTHER:  I cannot get enough of my sons.  They are everything!  That says so much in such few words.  I love and take care of my sons the way my mother took care of me. Watching my babies grow up over the past few years from elementary to them both being in middle school next year I am emotional.  It has not been easy finding balance, co-parenting, and accepting things that are out of my control.  I certainly did not like experiencing my family being torn apart when they were younger, but they have ADJUSTED extremely well.  I am the ONLY mother they have and they know I will give my life to save them from any dangers.  I’m selfless when it comes to my SONSHINES!  They will definitely remember the tough lessons, mistakes, and decisions that have been made in their best interest.  Spare the rod, spoil the child (Proverbs 13:24).

TEACHER:  I interviewed in May 2008 and walked into my first pre-planning session July 2008.  I have told the story before about one teacher telling me I’d never have a job because of my attitude when I was 13 years old.  Well here I am now, 35 years old with 16 years of VALUABLE work experience that is a mixture of my career choices and education.  I am so glad to be moving up to high school after nine years at the middle school level.  I think sometimes people think that my profession defines all areas of my life, but let me tell you a secret…IT DOES NOT!  I have a REAL life outside of school and the kids are the worst sometimes because they tend to think that we have been adults our whole lives.  That’s until I tell them some of my childhood stories to show my HUMAN side.  Yes I’m a teacher that builds relationships with my students and that’s why I LOVE what I do.  CAREER and EDUCATION choices MATTER!

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FRIEND:  The title of friend I hold close to my heart because I either fool with someone or I don’t.  I am never swayed by what someone thinks of me or other people that matter to me.  One of my good friends has opened my eyes to just living in the NOW.  Too bad some people don’t know how to leave some things alone and let people LIVE.  When you go looking for problems with people to report to your friends, that says more about YOU the investigator and instigator than it could ever say about the other person.  My TRUE friends know that I have a heart of gold and I rarely hold back my thoughts. I have learned to drop the rope and not engage. I am NOT going to be liked by everybody and that is okay.  I ACCEPT that!  See I am not what or who other people say I am.  I am a friend to those who show me genuine adoration and respect because I give them that of me in return.  I am a friend to those who seek my guidance and honest help because the truth is the truth.  I have learned how to be more vulnerable in my friendships and not be so STRONG because I have a life full of AWESOME things to be THANKFUL for.  The ability to have friends that SUPPORT you in good times and in bad times is admirable.  I am one of those that stand by in good times, bad decisions, confusing moments until WE get it back right!

I am defined by my actions.  I am not defined by the chapter of my life that you walked in on.

~LaTilya Rashon