How To Stop Taking Things Personally

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It has taken me longer to get my blogs up because I have been trying to balance this school term, my business, and my ideas collectively.  That’s part of the reason this blog even came to life because I have victimized myself in creative comparison and been holding myself back instead of taking the bull by the horns and giving my writing everything I got.

Growing up as an only child I spent a lot of time alone and never really truly had to share anything with anyone.  So you can imagine how I easily got picked on for having nice things as a kid, but those nice things were at the expense of my mom’s countless sacrifices.  I now see a lot of my mom in me and I take care of my sons on my single salary and their dad pitches in with them based on their needs.  I never ask him for anything.

Now this is not a blog about all of the nice things.  Instead, I’m sharing with you how I had to develop thick skin and work hard for my successes.  People can be cruel and intentionally set out to hurt your feelings, all the while not knowing that God is increasing your territory.

There are a few words to describe distasteful behaviors of others and that is “hate” and “jealousy”.  See I was the little black girl growing up with good grades, a mother that worked all of the time, but we were living just above the poverty line.  We received food stamps and Lord knows I miss the days of those coupon booklets because now that I have a career, I make too much money to receive any kind of assistance.  That’s that hurt, hurt…LOL!

I never really paid attention to the jobs my mother held other than knowing that I did not want to have to work as hard.  She at some point in her many jobs was a restaurant worker, nursing home kitchen cook and server, custodial services at a trailer plant, plywood maker, law enforcement, until ultimately getting hurt and now receiving disability.  Now in the face of poverty I did not have it all, but I never misrepresented my mom when I left home.  I always made sure to represent her to the fullest.img_7874

I had to have thick skin because there was no way I was going to let anyone around me know that in actuality my mom and I were struggling.  I did a post on my IG (@latilyarashon) the other day reflecting on the homes we have lived in and boy did that bring back so many memories.  I don’t think many of my more affluent friends know what it’s like to light your gas stove using matches and trying to remember if you turned the eyes off so that there would be no gas leaks.  Or perhaps listening to your mom and her boyfriend tell you the story of snatching a wood rat out of one of the kitchen counter draws that was terrorizing the counter tops.  The look on their faces as they told me horrified me.

I didn’t have the best of everything but my mom made the best of what we had.  There was nothing like sleeping on the floor in the dining room in front of the heater.  Those were the days and some of my best memories ever.  Now as an adult not much really gets to me because so many people don’t know my story.  As I was tweeting earlier this morning I said, “So many of us know what it’s like to be broken and hurt but not enough of us are talking about it.”  If we all could take some of our energy and focus on the positive outcomes we would see a lot of healing.

I’ve decided on the eve of my 37th birthday to remove the tape that holds my wounds together and move less fragile.  I will share more of my story because no one can tell me how I should feel about how I live.  When you know who you are there is nothing anyone can say to you about what you do.

I was scared of criticism because I know what it’s like to be told that you are too much or not good enough.  People think it’s mean to not care about the opinions of others, but that’s exactly what you have to do to keep your mental focus.

Walking away from people and things that serve you no purpose you is how you grow into your destiny.  Don’t let the “hates” get to you.  Yes it’s hurtful when your character is attacked and you’re misunderstood.  But I have to love me more than anyone and know that everybody will not encourage my dreams.  If we continuously walk around needing and wanting acceptance from others we will always take things personally.

We all have a race to run in life and how we run that race determines our personal victories.  I’m just the messenger.  So, stop caring what others think of you as you create your vision.  No two people want the identical things.

Don’t take it personal…Take the bitter with the sweet.

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Feeling Renewed in Business, Career, and Love

July became my month of yes and I took a huge leap into something that I was not sure I was ready for.  The internet is full of copycat ideas and recycled presentations so I’m sticking with what I know…I’mma just DO ME!

When I log into my social media and I see ads for “FREE” this and “FREE” that I’m slightly intrigued.  I click, I enroll, I listen, then I receive countless emails.  There are a few people that I pay close attention to because they consistently push the message of authenticity.  So I’ll continue to be authentic and transparent in my approach because that’s all that I know how to do.

I had to gather my thoughts for this post because I have taken a lot in over these few weeks for summer break and I just wanted to be clear in what I was saying before I posted my thoughts about anything.

Business|I was obsessing about book ideas and then I was struck with one that I cannot abandon.  I find it ironic that as fictitious characters speak to authors, my real life thought processes urge me to write in that discipline…EXPERIENCES from my classroom mixed with life lessons.  Sure other educational experts focus on the needs of our students but I like the approach I’m taking with my writing.  I’m focusing on ways to help teachers because honestly so many times in my career I felt alone and misunderstood.

img_5542So I’m turning that around to pour into my writing and helping other teachers as well on their academic journeys.  Once I got my services in order I began to see how I help more teachers than others would have probably thought possible when I first began teaching.  I had to BOSS UP just a little bit and be unafraid.  For every one thing about me that was misunderstood, I’ve taken back control of my business and writing and I’m pushing the envelope.

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I’ve stepped into my purpose and I knew that things would take time.  I have even tapped into my entrepreneurial spirit and realized that in order to live the life that I want to live, I must pave my path and create in my own lane.  Books and business are only the beginning and I’m staying the course because I have two precious boys (no matter how badly they drive me crazy) that are paying attention to my every move.

Career|This summer went by in a flash.  It seems like we were just getting out in May, and we return tomorrow.  I had the wonderful experience of attending the Model Schools Conference in June.  I felt inspired to keep writing in my discipline of teacher mentorship and set a personal goal that I will be speaking at the conference in June 2020!  I have to speak things into existence because I feel strongly about these next few years of teaching.  Putting things into perspective, my oldest is going to be a Freshman in high school, and my baby boy is going to 7th grade.  Entering my 11th year in the classroom, my career clock is ticking and I’m feeling like I just might be done anywhere between the next three to six years.

See I’m 3 1/2 years from 40 and with my new business venture (started my own health and wellness business) I’d like to create wealth in that, continue to write, speak~guest speak~facilitate~or host workshops in the future.  I’m not a radical voice, but I’m dedicated to newer teachers because experience has taught me.  Entering the field of education is political, but new teachers and I mean those that have been in the classroom less than three years need SUPPORT.  I know I did which is why I wrote my first book.img_5177

I have been asked about leadership and if I have thought about transitioning into that level and to be honest…NO!  After being passed over to become an academic coach because the other candidate “looked better on paper” I realized that maybe it was not for me.  I was not deterred, but like I told another administrator, “You never know what someone is capable of doing until they are given the opportunity to show their leadership skills.”  My candor is a gift and a curse and I am not compromising that for anyone.  I’ll practice my delivery, but the reality is that people hear what they want to hear.  When you think outside of the box like I do most of the time, you will face rejection and scrutiny from some, but encouragement and support from others.

In teaching I have had to adjust and not let my feelings be stronger than my mind.  I’m not saying that I’m unemotional, I’ve just learned how to manage my feelings better while teaching.  In a roundabout way, I’m desensitized and situations that would get me upset before, really don’t now going into this 11th year.  The only thing I don’t take kindly to is anyone discrediting my teaching and attacking my career.  That’s a big NO-NO in my book.  But I’ve realized people don’t like my style because of how I disturb their approach.  What happens in my classroom is just that!  I’m in control of my content!

LOVE|I have not ventured into this topic in a while and it was with GREAT intention not too.  And it’s not because I’ve been unhappy in love, I was just on hiatus from dating and putting all of my eggs in one basket.  See I dated an older guy for a while.  He was GOOD to me but he had some extra baggage that held him back from dating/getting to know someone/trusting ONE woman exclusively.  He started off saying I’m only interested in getting to know you, then ALL of that changed.  We began to see each other less frequently and it was hard at first because we SPENT a lot of time together initially.  He’s still a decent guy but we are just FRIENDS and we both are okay with that…NO PRESSURE!

When I walked away from that, not exactly a clean walk away, but when I took a step back to focus on BETTERING ME and my VIBRATIONAL PATTERN, I saw the beauty is organic chemistry.  There are familiar strangers all around, and you’d be surprised at who would treat you right if ever given the opportunity.  People make a big deal about commitment and dating to the point of it being exhausting.  I for a fact don’t look at each person I date as marriage material.  I mean after a couple of dates you know if you want to be around someone and enjoy their company without the complications… I NEVER have been nor will I EVER be the, “So what are we doing girl?” LOL…

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Then I met HIM and all of that has changed.  Solidifying the FRIENDSHIP!  I’m renewed in LOVE because I’ve always believed in the possibility of genuine and organic connections.  Hmmm…when BAE said, “I pray for you, and I pray for US.”  That changed the trajectory of EVERYTHING.

I’m fully aware that my business, career, and love won’t look like anyone else’s; I’m okay with that.  I’m staying true to what I know and believe.  So what is for me, is for me!

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LaTilya Rashon🦋

Being self-published and trusting the process takes an extreme amount of clarity, patience, and sacrifice.  I have realized that my “target audience” is not based in my personal relationships but people that actually follow my work in hopes that I inspire them.  If you believe in the LaTilya Rashon brand…purchase your logo series shirt today. Thank you in advance!

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Don’t Be Polarized By Criticism

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“Well behaved women seldom make history.”

I will definitely be the first to admit that when it comes to writing I am extremely protective of my words and the last thing I want to have happen is someone dislike my point of view.  But guess what…it happens and it is what it is.

However, as I continue to move forward with writing and exposure I understand that I must keep writing to getting better as I work on other projects (specifically books) that I hope to engage a greater following.

Diving into what’s socially acceptable or not is a slippery slope and being too careful can make you boring.  But the realistic goal at the end of the day is to create a spark around your name.  I have heard the questions about why I write about the things I post and how my content shifts from branding to personal, but in reality this is my style.  I am working on staging my work to show my progress as a writer/blogger and self-published author because I am my brand.  I want to do things myself (have complete creative control), so as I take my time to get some things done behind the scenes, please understand that this is indeed a massive process.

Some of the blogging experts suggest pushing for tasty content…

What are you trying to teach someone?  What expertise do you bring to the issue and trending topic?  How will your insight transform the minds of those that follow your action steps and why they should listen to you?  I learned the need to be tasty while tuned into a live session one night with one of the notables.  On the other hand there is another expert that simply says all authors should have a blog because it sharpens your skills.  I have negated my ideas of me being my brand…and just when I was supposed to have a photo shoot to do some promo shots for my website and do what I thought was best for my website and image those plans fell through… It Simply Was Not Time!

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I’m glad I’ve taken the time to regroup and reconsider what I need to do for me.  My social media platforms garner attention in several ways and the whispers have spread into full out conversations about my uncensorship in some areas and my overly outright spoken feelings in other areas.  Just yesterday a colleague laughed with me about my snapchat (@tilyarealeyes) diaries.  I use it to vent, to laugh, and to BS my way through the day sometimes.  It’s all in fun.  And as us creatives, business-minded, entrepreneurs work out our niches it is easy to be “polarized by the criticism of others”.  We see it day after day from everyday people like me that create with care on up to celebrities that post a simple picture because they are living their life that keeps us all highly entertained.

I am sure that as I continue to share my voice, my thoughts, my concerns, and my journey there will be someone standing on the sideline with a sign that reads…”Not a fan!”  But I can’t be concerned with the negative questions and thoughts of others because they are not in my shoes running this race.   It would be too easy to just scroll pass what someone dislikes because they feel that their opinion is needed and justified.

I have played around on my platforms and while it’s a process to build my presence online it’s not the people that I don’t know with the questions and fake concern, it’s the ones close by that I know personally that have the most to say about what I’m writing.  I write about my real life and real experiences.  So hearing that I’m “heavy” on social media made me chuckle a little and damn near put me on the defense.  Who are these people to question what I’m doing?  And just to be clear I am too busy building my name to worry about what others don’t understand about what I’m doing.  I have sparked a conversation so evidently I’m doing something RIGHT!

I completely separate my personal life and my blogging life.  What I write about may be influenced by my day to day but my LaTilya Rashon blog, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter will depict what I want to have.  This hat as a writer and continuously improving author is completely different than my everyday job as a teacher.  I can teach people about life (love, relationships, parenting, coping, and simply LIVING) on my blog and how to cope with shit on a regular basis.

The struggle is real when no one understands your vision and what plans you have for your career.   My being socially acceptable on my platforms is for me to decide without the negative criticism of others.  I said a long time ago that people find favor in you when they like what you have to say and represent.  But I’ve also learned the lesson that my friends are not my target audience so I’m never surprised by the local feedback or lack thereof.

I am constantly thinking of ways to be impactful with my writing and the out pour I receive from inbox messages, reshares of my blog post, and new followers edges me along. I appreciate all of the support and encouragement I receive!

I welcome all feedback because I have made up in my mind that nothing will deter me and I will not stop because others think that I should.

If you would like to keep up with me on Facebook please follow me here atimg_4830 LaTilya Rashon “TilyaRealEyes” 

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I Will Sit, Wait, and Be Silent

I have been on an unapologetic tour and living my life my way because I never want to feel boxed in by anyone’s expectations or opinions of me.  I am taking moments on the regular to embrace my current status and put myself first in all of my thought processes.  I have had to learn how to be my own hero and not depend on anyone who was truly not going to be here for me.  My renewed sense of self rears its pretty head as I wake up each day fully rested from the night before because I am in control of my existence.

I have a very strong prayer life and rarely do I share my closest thoughts with anyone because not everyone will be empathetic to your personal pains.  I myself am an empath…the people in my life that I care an extreme amount about capture a part of my being that renders me incapable of ignoring their shifts and storms.  I am a good listener and however abrasive I am at times, my friends know that I wouldn’t tell them what they want to hear just to appease their feelings.

See, at the onset of 2018 I had a lot of questions swimming in my head that made me adjust how I deal with confusion and then deal with the person causing the confusion.  My brother says I’m a logical person that analyzes everything and that the way my brain works it makes abnormal.  I accept that because I say it clearly whenever I am asked, “What is it about me?”  I just simply say that I am DIFFERENT!

When I take a moment to pause everything that I need to see becomes visible.  Everything that I need to hear is being said.  And everything that I need to let go of is released because under all of this confidence is a woman that has felt unimaginable hurt that I have buried deeply inside of me because I’m not defined by those things.  Not to sound like a cliche but yes everything happens for a reason.  Discernment is a blessing when you recognize it as your gift.

I know things will come about in my life that will alter my views and challenge my thoughts and ultimately continue to push me forward.  So as I live for the moment completely unaware of what is to come next, I will sit, wait, and listen.

Sitting Pretty: Sitting does not mean I will become a hermit and not enjoy all that life has to offer.  It means that I will sit still and not move too fast on anything too soon.  Like for instance, I went on a couple dates with this one guy and though he was nice—our ideas and thoughts were not in line with each other.  I knew that I was not in the same mindset and the conversation of building with someone (a year post divorce) was not the life I’m envisioning for myself at the moment.  I want to take some time to get know me, explore my creativity, push myself to the limit, and see how far my goals and aspirations will take me.  Yes, I know I’ve done a lot already but I want more for myself.  I’m in a season of selfishness and I cannot afford to be distracted by things that do not feed my drive.   As I am sitting, I am watching and taking a lot in on a daily basis.  When it is time to purge, I will be at a place in my life where all the pieces make sense and I will have elevated my existence… mind, body, and spirit.  Until then I will sit!

Waiting Patiently:  I am not waiting for a night in shining amour.  I am waiting for my mind to slow down and not feel like everything has to happen immediately. No Rush! This second quarter of this new year is showing me a lot because as I slow down and take inventory of myself, I am becoming more appreciative of my time.  I was asked by my students where all did I attend college and after I rambled off my 16 years of enrollments and degrees conferred, I smiled on the inside.  I have worked tirelessly towards my credentials, my career, being a great mom, and maintaining relationships (significant others, friends, and family) that I’m burned out.  I’m burned out from the nonreciprocal effort as I reclaim my peace of mind and focus on myself.  The only people that come before me are my children because they depend on me to take care of them.  I knew the day would come that I would slow down just a little bit to enjoy all that I have accomplished.  I will wait in the balance of this life that I live and strengthen my mind…

Being Silent: I woke up one day about two weeks ago and decided that I was not going to speak on certain things.  That didn’t mean that I was not going to talk, it just meant that my conversation had to be guarded a little bit more because oversharing begins to sound redundant.  Again in casual conversation with my brother I shared my thoughts on a bothersome situation and while he sympathetically listened, I realized sometimes that’s all I need.  Telling someone how you feel all of the time is not warranted and actually isolates you in those feeling from time to time.  I thought at some point in my life I had to be open with the ones I cared about as an expression of my loyalty to them so they’d know in turn that I would always be there for them.  Turns out…some people can’t handle your feelings and are confused about you at the same time.  In my silence, I didn’t shut down, I just pulled back and decided I would speak on what is presented to me and not what I thought I should say.  I received two phone calls as a result of my intention, my bestfriend and a dear friend.  The in-depth conversations that were had provided clarity and peace that was welcomed for both them and myself.  I have continued to be silent and prayerful for those two because the love and concern for them is real.

April has been a month of personal reflection and this has been what I’ve needed.  I shifted from the business branding and blogging to focus on what is real in my life right now.  I’m not conflicted nor am I lonely. I am surrounded by love and appreciation.  I sit, I wait, and I listen, taking time for me as I continue my journey into self-care.

Thanks for reading…

Why Personal Branding Is Great For Your Career

March is a new month for new beginnings, new goals, and new focuses.  I’m challenging myself to focus on one thing this month and that is my personal branding.  To be honest I cringe at that word because it is thrown around so much online and on reality shows that I’m literally confused every time I hear a different person say it.  Nonetheless, my goal this month is to set myself aside and become more identifiable and produce quality work.  That’s what BRANDING is all about right!?!

At one point when I began this writing journey I was on blogspot because I was using my blog as an online journal.  I wasn’t really focusing on the big picture.  All I wanted to do was share my experiences while entertaining the idea of writing a book.  I was second guessing myself!

I switched over to wordpress as I was completing my doctoral program with Nova Southeastern University and my blog then took on a life of its own.  While my education and credentials would have me considered an expert in the field of education: Dr. LaTilya Williams—Doctor of Education: Higher Education Leadership and  Master’s in Public Administration; I find myself coming up short in the blogging/self-published/writing industry.  Oh to be an expert in this field would be a dream come true!

So what must I do?  Yea, you got it! WORK ON MY BRAND!

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I have read so many blogs from the experts and they all have this one tagline or statement in common: “I AM MY BRAND!”

Well there you have it!  But not so fast.

While I sit and read, subscribe to mail listings myself, subscribe and listen to podcasts, and emulate the things I see, I know I am closer to hitting my mark and finding my sweet spot.

This journey has been eye-opening because in my research and studying some of the experts say that there is not definite formula to success and making a big impact.  Others say develop a plan and work the plan.  I still stand my truths about blogging because there are some things you discover.  Go check out my epic blog, What No One Tells You About Blogging.  It is one of my favorite blogs and one that I see lasting for years to come as new trends arise.

Now reexamining all do the Dos for content creation and personalizing your brand, all of us side hustlers are told to FIRST BE CLEAR.  I can’t any clearer about wanting to make an impact on new teachers with my book,

My Fourth Year in Middle School; The Truth About Teaching

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I truly want to help change the narrative about teaching so that the newbies learn that in order to truly be successful in the classroom there must be a complete understanding that what you learn in traditional training is helpful.  But what you do in the classroom from day today is what’s going to shape your approach, career, and style of teaching.  Now if only I could attract the right audience and individuals invested in my book, I could really make gains as an educational expert.

DRAW PEOPLE TO YOU: It is difficult to create a consistent buzz as a newbie blogger and collecting emails is a task.  Build your brand! Create the leads! Magnetize your audience!  That is a lot easier said than done.  As I look at my social media networks…

I have learned that my friends are not my target audience and I actually get more feedback from people that don’t know me personally.  Now I do have some friends that purchased my book, left a review on Amazon, or told me personally what they thought of my work but I’m hungry!  I want to grow in my efforts and reach the masses that I know could benefit from my experiences.

I want to see my follower numbers convert to sales.  Another one of the DOs that we must be mindful of is CONTENT CREATION.

Visiting my blog is rich and full of experiences that I feel provide knowledge and inspiration.  I think about the goals I have set for myself and reflect on my progress over the years.

Content creation is one thing but the focus must shift to…QUALITY CONTENT in the form of books (Check Me Out On Amazon), videos especially if you are on youtube: check my sidebar 🙂 (Subscribe to me @ LaTilya Rashon), and of course while you’re here browse around read my blogs, comment on what you like and most importantly

Subscribe to the LaTilya Rashon mailing list

Brand clarity is an ongoing process!  Content creation takes a lot of work. I have only been serious about this for the past two years because I know I have message of inspiration.  I’m sure my audience will change by the day but I plan to be authentic and transparent in my approach.  I don’t have it all figured out but I’m figuring it out.

March is not the month for stagnation! New goals! New insights! New material!

Stay Tuned!